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It's been almost a month now, and I still can't get my ex out of my mind. Too many memories flooding my thoughts, I think I'm gonna drown soon cause I'm finding it difficult to keep my head above it all.
I keep wondering how I've been able to get over my first love whom I never had the chance to have a definite relationship with but for my ex, I just can't. It even gets scary when I imagine the possibility of still being in love with him.

It's been almost two years since we broke up. He had become so busy, I tried to understand even without explanations, I tried to stay calm giving myself excuses, I tried to keep things going on my own, I tried, I tried, I tried so hard but it didn't work because I was the only one trying. When I got fed up, we broke up.

After some months, I let him know that I wanted us back but he wasn't interested. He said he still loved me but he couldn't promise anything. I told him I didn't want promises, I just wanted the relationship back but he still wasn't interested. So I let it go, wishing each day that he'd come back but I waited and waited and waited then I started to move on.

Occasionally, he'd check in but that was it. "just checking in" he'd say. Then I knew that this wasn't going to happen. I decided to move on for real, cutting every communication including blocking him.

I remember the last night we shared. It was after the break up.

"I love you Aba" he said looking down at me like I was some kid. He is such a tall guy, I had to raise my head as though I was looking at a bill board

I smiled and hugged him tightly. I didn't want him to go. I wanted to kiss him but I didn't because I knew I wouldn't be able to live with the cravings afterwards, since I wasn't going to see him sooner. If I had to kiss him, I wouldn't want a two minute kiss but where we were and at that time too couldn't give me more than just two minutes, so I decided to let it be.

I saw the disappointment on his face... "But hey, hold on a second, you guys aren't even dating" I heard myself say to me in my thoughts.

Immediately, I let go and told him I had to leave. It was almost midnight.
We crossed the road to the other side, stopped a taxi, he paid the fare and we drove off.
I knew it was the last night we shared.

I shed some tears and reminded myself of the free gift I had been blessed with.
My amazing, loving, sweet, caring and sensitive boyfriend.... point of correction fiance... I smiled. He is my strength, the reason behind my smiles. I know God will punish me if I ever hurt him.

As for Jojo, I love him but he's my ex and that is where he should be because I love my boyfriend


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